I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
