naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want to make out with him forever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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