sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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