Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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