She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
