I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
dude. I can hear the air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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