Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
