so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
