Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
