Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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