Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
