She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
