I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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