She's JV to your varsity
I want to have your abortion
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
