im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
