Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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