I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
