why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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