Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
