Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
