Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
