Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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