have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
