In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
