It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
