im six kinds of drunk right now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
