i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
