she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You ruined the universe
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
