Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
