I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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