dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
