You're so nebulous sometimes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
