we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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