After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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