so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
