You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
