I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
