never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
