I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
