I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
