Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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