My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
