ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
