Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
