I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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