He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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