i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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