how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
