i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
