There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
