Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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