Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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