well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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