I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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