You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
